Well I haven’t posted in a long time. But I’ve made a lot of mistakes. And maybe this will be my therapy today. Or at least a letter to tell God I fucked up.
I got back together with someone I loved but someone I knew would hurt me. I got dumped naturally. I got destroyed with words. I got late night phone calls about how I should kill myself. And finally, his cronies sunk so deep into my subconscious that I found myself cutting words and insults into my thighs. Deeper and deeper until it wasn’t emotional pain anymore. It was the urgent physical.
So Lord I fucked up this body you gave me. And God I’ve spent so much time crying. Today I spend the day with a friend of mine from school. And he realized that I had been. And God wanna know what he said? “You look awful. Clean up. You’re embarrassing me.” He didn’t give a shit God. And I’m sick of being alone.
I know I’m not entirely coherent. The suicidal seldom are. But God… Don’t let me do this. Please God.